Again I am a day late in writing. Organisation isn’t one of my strongest qualities, that’s for sure.
Although to be fair to myself, last week was pretty bad for me health-wise. We are on month 4 of a flare-up. I get the odd good day here and there but mostly it’s been lots of very tired and nauseous days.
But I am proud to say that I have pushed through best I can, and on my good moments I’ve managed to squeeze in some studio time AND I’ve also started trying to be a more organised human by prioritising my “to do” list. I’m working SO hard to be the best I can be and to really put my heart and soul into my business.
It feels rather grandiose to call it a business right now since it’s really not making me much money!! I am getting the odd sale here and there but I still have a loooong way to go before I make a proper living out of it. The biggest problem is exposure and reach.
It’s really hard to find places where my work will be seen. And if it’s not seen then it can’t be bought! Which is why I’m working incredibly hard to build up a following online. And like I’ve said before, social medias algorithms don’t make it easy at all.
So yeah, a lot of my time is spent on Instagram and Facebook, making sure I’m keeping a presence and also I’m spending a lot of time learning about how to use social media to the best of my advantage. There’s SO much I don’t know about this stuff and I though I was social media savvy! HA!…. No.
I swear, I am honestly spending around 8-12 hours each day doing online stuff, or in my studio actually trying to create something worth selling or else I’m writing blog posts, or researching for future projects, considering my designs for business cards and logos, or trying to expand my reach online, so fostering relationships with fellow artists and business people. And in between the trying to do housework and rest when needed – and I need a lot of that when flaring.
I am not complaining though. I’m actually really enjoying it all. Though there’s lots of frustration at times because I just have a strong will to make this work. I know I have it in me to make it a success, but I do lack business skills and knowledge.
There’s something about working for yourself on things you’re passionate about that is just so energising and exciting. It doesn’t feel like work, not like it does when you graft for 9 hours a day making someone else rich!! NO THANKS to that.
Something I’ve been aware of for a long time is my huge perfectionist streak. And I know it holds me back. I find myself wanting to do things but unless I know I can do it to a really high quality, then I won’t do it. Which means, I hold myself back from trying and failing and learning and progressing!
I am okay with mistakes. Mistakes are good things learning moments. So it’s not that. It’s just that if I am saying I can do something or providing a service or charging for something, then I don’t want to do a shoddy job. I want it to be the best thing possible. But then I get so overwhelmed about how to be the best and fearful about being shit that I just avoid going for it, I talk myself out of it or procrastinate to the point of forgetting all about what I was doing in the first place.
This is something I absolutely must conquer. We all have to start somewhere. We don’t start anywhere at the top of our game, we start as rookies, beginners and we flail about and make mistakes and we learn all the time and eventually with enough hard-work, we rise to the top.
I use motivational quotes to fire me up and get me moving. They help me power through doubt and fear and remind me of my own power and ability. Successful people aren’t lucky people, they’re just people who never stopped, never gave up. I want to be a successful person. So giving in isn’t an option for me.
I’m glad I’m writing this blog every week because I hope than in a years time I look back and see all the progress I’ve made and how clueless I was and how far my own determination and tenacity have got me. And I hope in 2-3 years time I’ll be seeing the fruits of my labour.
I am starting to look around to see how to plug my skills gap in term of business knowledge, networking, marketing and social media success and of course still building on my art education.
The problem is, all these things cost money. Money I don’t really have. Books, courses, other professionals who could help for a fee, art materials, buying web-space, business cards…. the list goes on. It’s like a big frustrating vicious circle!! Argh!
I’ll work it all out, I know I will. I just have to be a bit patient and a bit resourceful and do what I can, when I can. It’s all about positivity people! 🙂
I have a lot of solid skills in few areas and so I’m working out how I can use my strengths to build a career I want. I should probably make a list again! Or a Vision board!!! OMG I LOVE Vision boards! That’s my goal for this week, to create my own vision of what my life will be like.
But yeah, back to career…. I want it to involve providing a service that helps others or working with groups as well as creating and selling my own art work. Something artistic and creative, something I can do on my own time and own schedule and accommodates my ill days – of which there’s a lot of! I’m not afraid of hard work if I’m inspired but I have to be able to work WITH my Lupus, not against it and so I can work through the night as I often do anyway and in between the frequent bouts of nausea and extreme fatigue but I can’t work through those things because it’s often so bad that all I can do is lie in bed or sleep. UGH – I hate talking about my illness. It doesn’t define me and I don’t want it ever to define me or limit me anymore than it already does physically. But the fact is, I DO have physical limitations, some pretty serious ones and I am sick a lot and that is going to impact my ability a little bit to work consistently.
BUT IT IS POSSIBLE!!! It’s not about giving up and lying down to it, it’s about rising up to the challenge and carving out a life that I want. It’s about being determined but also compassionate with myself and recognising that sometimes I just need to rest. And that might make me slower in achieving my goals but it is in no way impossible. I will never lie down to Lupus, it’s already taken so much from me. It will not take my dreams and my ambition.
So, yeah…. I digress -I want something that makes me happy and excited in a day. I just haven’t worked out how to bring it all together- YET.
But watch this space folks!
I will leave you with some photos of what I’ve been up to this past week – a Birthday commission for my Mother and my mind map of all my ideas and aims and priorities for the next 1-5 years.
Have a great week everyone! Set some goals and go smash them!! ❤